what is this 'you' when all is me.
the notion of boundary is popular in the western cultures. and the opposite is true in the east. clearly one needs a notion of 'self' apart from all others to function in society. but how much of this 'self' is needed? how rigid should be that boundary?
one of my very first questions that i wanted to ask amma was 'who am i? and what is my dharma?"
very unique questions clearly. no one in the history of life has ever wrestled with these questions. so i never asked her. for the very reason that it was clearly a 'big' question, if not the biggest question, and i suppose i didn't feel that question fit in with the rest of other questions which were somehow more specific and particular as opposed to mine being very 'abstract'...such is the nature of the mind that deflects artfully, for who better than amma is there to ask that question, and was my question really that abstract, considering the suffering i undergo in my ignorance and not knowing?
as is often the case the mind goes all wooly when i turn my attention to it. it would much rather zone out on the web reading some worthless news item or another. it makes regular rounds. ny times, bbc, and guardian...the staples. my mind can blend and hide from itself for hours in these sites. anything other than bringing the focus back onto itself, this moment, as it is...
what is it so afraid of facing? what is it that it wants not to pay attention to? what is it that keeps it away from me?
the idea of no-self is quite celebrated, especially in buddhism. but i think this my non-self is just self cloaked in non-ness, and not really that no-self that buddha would approve of.
this morning as i sat and brought that mind into this moment for a brief flash while at the very same time held the question, who am i?, what i got was that i am...wow.
